desert sessions... part 2?

i don't want to repeat myself. that being said, i have a harsh feeling that cooler than the millions may end up being similar to desert sessions. not identical, but more like in the sense that they can be related. that's bound to happen when i mix personal stuff with my political views. i took sort of a break from politics with this is hardcore, chosing more to rely on plot rather than political ideology. i also stayed away from much of the personal stuff with this is hardcore except for probably the first ten pages, where most of what some of the characters were feeling was exactly what i was feeling at the time when i wrote the book: you know, obsession with a girl, and frustration at my own limitations.

i am still going to try to make cooler than the millions as different from desert sessions as i can. it will be a horror story, first of all. secondly, the style will be different. much of what i used to rely on will be avoided, and instead of being just a collection of ideas, it will be more plot heavy like this is hardcore. thirdly, it will take on an 80's sort of nihilist flavour. and finally, despite the nihilism, it will be my most positive book to date. it will show, what i believe to be, the underlying hope and optimism that lies buried under centuries of human strife and war and cruelty. if there's any hope to humanity, if there's any hope at all, what i think, where i believe that hope lies will be aparent in cooler than the millions. i'll give you a hint: the title has something to do with it.

i have been in an odd place as of late. i feel like i'm sort of blind. things are slowly falling into place for me - my job, my family, my friends... yet i am probably more disconnected now than i ever was. it's an odd feeling, this, lying awake at night, staring at the wall; not feeling depressed, not feeling frustrated, just... feeling still. i'm basically standing still while moving. it's a strange feeling that i'm going to try to explore with cooler than the millions. i think i'm ready to return to more personal stuff. i sort of shot my wad with desert sessions to the point where i was really reaching with this is hardcore. so much so it was just easier to make shit up for the last 2/3rds of the book. this is hardcore, while my best book to date, was just an exercise for me. it was escapist fiction for me to write, because i had nothing personal to say. i am at a very strange time in my life, living in an apartment that pretty much is a visual representation of who i am today, which is very empty, waiting to be filled up, but unsure of how to go about doing that. i guess that's the problem i have with writing cooler than the millions. i've been filling my time with going to work, exercising/working out, and hanging with friends. i don't know if this is the answer, but i have to do something, or else i'll end up living too much in my own head, which i pretty much do all the time when i'm by myself.

i have also decided to focus on healthy attachments. this should help my writing process become... sunnier, despite how vicious cooler than the millions may turn out to be, with or without the positive ending. sunshine and lollipops, baby!

* addition: the cover to this is hardcore is shot and done. many thanks to jen, for putting aside her modesty all in the name of art. i know i promised to debut the pictures here, but i think i'll hold off until we actually publish the book.