i can't do this anymore. there won't be any new writing for a while. i'll still continue to update and talk about politics, but in terms of me actually working on my next novel, it's fucking done. i'm stuck, i'm frustrated; mostly over myself, so that's it. this is hardcore will be my last novel for a while. at this point, i don't even know if i want to finish anything ever again. i'm not saying never, i'm just saying that for the forseable near future, my writing career is done. writing was the one thing in life i knew i could count on to enjoy, but it's been less than fulfilling as of late. i always told myself that if it started to be a chore, i would stop. so i'm stopping. honestly, i'm starting to see that there was never really a point to any of it to begin with.
You are feeling the frustration that every extraordinary writer feels now and again. Why bother to write quality when the whole world appears to be turned on by shit? I am glad you are taking a personal hiatus, because you need to. Your art should never be the source of your pain or conflict. And yes, once it becomes a chore, it is time to pull back.
ReplyDeleteI tend to write a lot of mindless drivel on my blog, because it frees my mind to be able to work intently on my book.
I liken my blog to taking out the garbage. Once the garbage is out by the curb, I can start over with a refreshed mind. Clean.
I will still lurk, in hopes that you change your mind and get back to your book soon.
CP.
It's pretty rough when you see these books on the shelves that completely and utterly suck, and you think, "I can write better than that." Then you get those people like James Frey who admitted they lied, and STILL keep selling books (probably now because he was caught lying).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I can't see myself living without writing for the rest of my life; just for this moment. I think I'm just tired right now; spent, so there is no joy in it. we'll see how i feel a few months from now. thanks for the comments.
You're right about stopping if it becomes a chore, and you're right not to close the door forever. Do you plan to continue to market DS or any other of your stories? If not, maybe you should make all of your currently existing works freely downloadable, so that if you're not making money off of them, at least you get feedback.
ReplyDeleteNow that I think of it, Susan never told you what she thought about Desert Sessions. She read it cover to cover in a few days just aft er the book release party. She had a strong reaction to it, and she always meant to discuss it with you, but it never happened on the few occassions you two saw each other in the last year.
I bet there are lots of other cases of this. Just take your blog for example; lots of people lurk on it because it IS well written and interesting. I mean, mine in comparison is just random geek news and occassional claptrap. I think I should make that the tag line, actually.
I just thought I'd mention these things in case they hadn't occurred to you. Too often we get lost in our own headspace, where our insecurities tend to warp reality.
Yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna bother with Conquered Nation. We'll see. The whole point of me trying to finish "Cooler Than the Millions" was so that by the summer time, we could get two books published at one and save on printing costs. but it looks like that isn't going to happen. I don't know if I want to bother to publish "This is Hardcore" on its own, even if people really like it.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty much at the point where if people will send me money for just the cost of shipping and handling, I'll send them a copy of "Desert Sessions." We'll see. I'm just in an overall shitty mood about everything, so we'll see where the next few months takes us. The next time I see Susan, I'll talk to her about it. Thanks for your kind words, Len.
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